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In May 1968 my ship HMCS Fraser was alongside in Portsmouth on a port visit after being anchored for about five days off Spithead representing Canada in the Naval Review marking the 20th Anniversary of NATO. It was a Sunday and the story that I’m about to relate took place at around 1300 (that’s 1:30 pm for you non-Naval types).
Two stewards – Able Seamen Bernie Bluette and Marcel Lavoie
* – had indulged in more than their share of rum, which was still issued at noon back in those days. They had staggered ashore and started hurling lewd insults and making obscene gestures at females they met on their way to the dockyard gate. They didn’t even make it to the dockyard gate before they were accosted by the Royal Shore Patrol, who threw them into their little blue paddy wagon.
Being a reasonable chap, the Leading Seaman in charge of the Shore Patrol decided to take the drunken fools back to the ship rather than a trip straight to cells (Naval lockup). And, it just so happened that the ship’s Cox’n was standing on the quarterdeck and ready to proceed ashore when the paddy wagon pulled up at the foot of the gangway.
The Shore Patrol guys got out of the paddy wagon, proceeded to the back door and let the two drunks out. Lavoie walked straight up the gangway in a remorseful state of mind with his head bowed, but Bluette was in a fighting mood. He put up a physical struggle while cursing everyone in sight. The Shore Patrol Leading Seaman looked up at the quarterdeck as if seeking instructions. The Cox’n yelled, “Take him away!” With that, they threw him back in the paddy wagon. Once that was accomplished, the ‘hooky’ (Leading Seaman) went up to the quarterdeck to ask a few questions, such as, “What’s his name and rank.”
Before I explain what happened next, I must describe the physical characteristics of the paddy wagon. This was a little blue truck with a closed in cage on the back. The cage wasn’t constructed of steel, but rather of fibreglass covered wicker.
While the ‘hooky’ was up asking questions, Bluette began to bash the top of his head against the fibreglass roof of the paddy wagon. Soon a crack appeared. Then the top of his head could be seen, similar to the chick breaking out of an eggshell. Eventually, his whole head was sticking out the top of the vehicle, with verbal insults against the Cox’n spewing from the mouth. If that wasn’t enough, he worked his fist up through the hole and started shaking it at the Cox’n while saying something rather more offending than, “Cox’n, you SOB!” (If you get my drift, one word related to sex and the other to travel).
Once the Shore Patrol guy had completed his paperwork, he simply ambled down the gangway, got back into the paddy wagon and drove away, with the offending head still sticking out the top. What a comical sight! Even the Cox’n – the recipient of the abuse – roared his guts out in laughter.
The next day when they delivered Bluette back to the ship, he had scratches all over his neck and face, the result of being dragged back through the hole against the grain of the wicker reinforced fibreglass. Needless to say, he was embarrassed and full of remorse. The story being rather funny, the Captain only gave the apologetic offender a severe reprimand at the defaulters’ table.
* Both names have been changed to protect the privacy of the culprits. |
